Sitting in semi-darkness... which really isn't darkness, but i felt like calling it that anyway. (>_<!)

What am I doing?

That is the inevitable question. A question I have come to find myself asking constantly and unable to run away from. It catches me at every turn, and attempt of flee, and appears at the most random, the most inconvenient, and the surprisingly perfect, yet still upsetting, moments...

(I take a deep breath) says the voices rambling inside my head... and I'm still asking the question... What am I doing??

I try to work and I am stopped at this point where I realize that my time could be spent working on something else, but then I revert and say that i would just be wasting time AND focus if i were to stray from my current course having only realized, when it was already too late, that I strayed the moment I realized what I could be doing with the time I had.... All this sucking the life out of my greatest intentions for work I'll still wish I had completed, knowledge I wished I had absorbed, and silent dry tears of despair and anguish over the loss.

I find myself in a nasty predicament because I am at war with myself and I still have no idea the reason why. I have assumptions and theories, but no matter how many times I try to figure myself out, or the plans I concoct in my head on how to resolve my situation, I am inevitably left to ask the question to which I don't have the slightest clue as to the answer... What the ***k AM I DOING?